I know I didn’t try this time; I left you guys hanging since a whole 2019! (singing the song “pardon me, abeg pardon me” 😀). If you haven’t read part 1, I think you should read it here so you can understand and follow up on the continuation of the story.
So, the last time, I talked about how I suddenly found myself in the world of “Bioinformatics” in a different country and left you guys guessing whether I survived or not …lol that’s the longest suspense I’ve ever since (Bioinformatics is the application of tools of computation and analysis to the capture and interpretation of biological data. It is an interdisciplinary field, which harnesses computer science, mathematics, physics, and biology )
Like I said in part 1,God was preparing me and recently I got reminded of a particular scripture I used to meditate on a lot back then, I wrote it on a sticky note and pasted it on the front page of my bible (It’s still there).
“I will lead the blind (oyinkansola) by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.” (Isaiah 42:16)
It’s been 4 years and looking back now, God did exactly every word of that verse. When God is working things out, it’s not exactly visible at the time just the way we want it ‘cos He’s careful not to “choke” you….He pulls everything together in pieces and if you are the grateful type, you can look back and count all of that blessings together as a whole.
Getting into Bioinformatics was a life changing event for me and I will tell you why. Just in case you or someone you know have intentions of pursuing that course, it’s a beautiful path, let’s just say it was a “it’s not you, it’s me” 😊
I remember that I would wake up every morning with the three words “who sent me?” I feel like if I never did that course I may never have learnt some major things God helped go through in life (yes, it was that deep).For example, I never knew what it felt like to be depressed, I never knew that you could constantly fail at something or have the feeling of “not enough”, I never knew that you could continue to pray a particular prayer for long and never get an answer until I found myself in Bioinformatics…brethren it was a tough time!
I know someone is reading this and saying “ahan, is it not the same Bioinformatics that I did/ someone I know is currently taking and it was easy to maintain / graduate with an excellent GPA? well…my dear I guess our journeys in life are different. Apart from all the struggles I experienced during this period, I’m glad to let you know there were a lot things I learnt along the way.
I Learned to surrender ALL to God, grew more closer to God and most importantly, I “sought “the Lord (I’m not even using bible English here, I genuinely will fast for days and go up to my school library ‘cos it was the most quiet place I could think of to pray and ask God questions, his plans and pour out my burdens) and I saw God’s raw love!
I did all these but felt there wasn’t any change, but it’s because I wasn’t conscious of my answered prayers (remember in Acts 12:5 how the church was praying for Peter to return from prison and when he did they still didn’t believe, I think I’m the last born of those people…lol). Even though I never thought there was a change yet, I now had a different mindset, the Holy Spirit pointed out where I was lacking (mehn… it’s always hard to admit that you are your own problem, who can relate?)
He made me realize that first of all, I wasn’t ready for this new phase, I had been a Nurse and doing my masters in Bioinformatics had nothing to do with Nursing and what I was already used to. I was in total denial and couldn’t see my self adjusting to this new change, I was also scared that I could never get a job since this isn’t my area of expertise, I had professionals in my class who were already well grounded in the field and that just continued to lower my self esteem.
I always had the mindset of “I can never do this” , thoughts and words are powerful, they will align and determine our outcomes in life. I would be in class and be lost in thoughts thinking “why are these ones so smart and I’m not?” . I remember one day during our lab session, I crawled under the desk and cried my eyes out (not funny then).
Let me point out the fact that, I was not lazy! I did all my work, projects, assignments, I would stay up most nights studying even when we don’t have a test coming up but I wasn’t getting past average….that was so frustrating!
At some point, I became angry with God, then repented (because if I leave God, who will help me?) I switched from my anger to self pity, crying and thinking “Abi I’m in the wrong place, God was never here with me, God never sent me here” I remember at the end of one semester I got a letter of warning from the graduate school saying my GPA was low if it continues one more semester I might get kicked off, that was the the turning point for me. (I guess failure sometimes is a motivation for success)
To say I was broken/sad was an understatement, I determined that I would change my school and course .I know at this point you may be wondering where my family is in all these, they were all there for me honestly, encouraging me. Sometimes I feel bad I have poisoned their mind about the course, when they hear of someone trying to go into Bioinformatics their first question is always “are you sure?” lol
Unfortunately or should I say fortunately, all attempts to switch school or course failed for many different reasons (I guess God had a plan). All along, God was there with me through out the journey and I never knew (another Jacob sister😘 if you know you know), He heard my prayers and when my mindset changed he was ready for me and guess what? He sent me help!
If you didn’t grasp anything from everything I have been saying since, know this: My efforts, prayers, fasting did not yield much because I still had the WRONG mindset! let’s continue this gist in the next post😊 but will leave you with this quote from Henry Ford
It’s all in your mindset
“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
– Henry Ford, industrialist founder of the Ford Motor Company
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